It takes something of grave importance for my nomadic self to make a guest appearance from its self-imposed limbo (think Van Helsing at the end of classic Eighties flick, The Monster Squad), and that something today is the new five-track extended player from nefarious noiseniks, Grandmother Suplex.


I’ll make my writings on the history of this band as quick as the quintet of lowbrow yet high-quality tunes on offer: loitering around Derbyshire venues since 2015, Grandmother Suplex now finds itself pared down from a four- to a three-piece (with two of those three former members of infamous troublemakers, Scutty Neighbours) yet the would-be numerical disadvantage couldn’t be further from the truth as this now-six-legged monstrosity has fashioned its best output to date.


Did I mention quick? The five songs on this self-titled EP have a combined playing time of around nine minutes, and, if you’re one of the cool kids who will trouble your ears with this highly-recommended noise (via all major digital streaming platforms from June 28th, limited compact disc directly from the band, with vinyl release to follow), it’ll be one of the most frenetic, fucked-up, yet friggin’ glorious nine minutes of your recent history.


Like a crazed dark alley dust-up between Wounds and Cancer Bats, Grandmother Suplex spits out (a self-described) “trashy, thrashy punk” of a kind that always sounds great in a sweaty club full of ne’er-do-wells yet doesn’t always translate to the recording studio. Well, scrub that thought because this five-tracker (recorded at JT Soar in Nottingham by Phil Booth, and mastered by Daniel Husayn of North London Bomb Factory Mastering) sounds as diabolically wicked as anyone with a keen ear for extreme music would hope for.


Fear not, though; the music might be the best that this band has ever produced, but the lyrics and their subject matter are still as ludicrous and of the lowest common denominator as expected. Songs about the presidential man-baby’s absurd Space Force and, of course, kicking other people’s bags of shopping, make for a perfectly preposterous listening experience. Sure, listeners may find themselves observing concussion protocols after this nine-minute ear clobbering, but it’ll be worth it, trust me.


The decision to self-title this essential EP, I hear, came as a result of the band members believing that this new release provided the strongest point of the Grandmother Suplex legend to date and wanting to honour it so. Now, after listening,


I’m a believer too. I’m off to kick some fucker’s shopping… with Grandmother Suplex on my Walkman. Join me!

Author: Gaz Tidey