POP CULTURE SCHLOCK at RPM: Exhibit F – Another Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare

Roll up, roll up; get your hastily-typed feature on a long-forgotten piece of RnR history here! It’s good to be back among the virtual pages of RPM once again as I dust off another rocking relic from the Pop Culture Schlock archive for your reading pleasure. This month I make my first foray into the physical media section of said collection and, as you’re reading this, I’m speculating that you too love collections of physical media…

‘Twas a late Eighties afternoon when I found my hetero-life-mate, Chris Greaves (velvet- fingered axeman extraordinaire famed for his work with seminal acts such as Judgement, Gangland, Big Guns, and Gallini), wide-eyed at the news that ‘The Edge of Hell’ now graced the shelves at one of our many (now, sadly, long-lost) video shops. ‘The Edge of Hell’, to the uninitiated (not us, obviously), was the alternate title given to the UK video release of 1987’s ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’, one of two entries for director John Fasano in the (much too short) list of Eighties Heavy Metal Horror Movies – the following year’s Carmine Appice-starring Black Roses being the second. It was another name on the credits, transformed into a painted, muscle-bound warrior on the VHS cover art, that piqued the interest of us Eighties metal kids, however…

Jon Mikl Thor was the first Canadian to win both the Mr. Canada and Mr. USA bodybuilding titles. He was also the first Canadian to wrap a micstand around the neck of a pretend milkman live on UK Saturday morning children’s television show, No. 73. An infamous performance at the Marquee paved the way for Thor’s manly explosion over British pop culture – singles ‘Let the Blood Run Red’ and ‘Thundra on the Tundra’, plucked from 1985’s ‘Only the Strong’ long player, making a bicep-shaped dent in both the UK charts and consciousness – before North America caught on and he was cast in his first movie role; playing Thunderhead in Police Academy rip-off, ‘Recruits’. His next two movie roles are the ones that he is truly remembered for, though.

 

‘Zombie Nightmare’ starred Tia Carrere and Adam West and found Thor as a slain baseball player resurrected (via voodoo!) to avenge his death. The soundtrack featured Motörhead, Girlschool, Fist, and Virgin Steele and, as an indicator to the movie’s quality, it was featured on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’, however, that really put Jon Mikl Thor on the movie map. Thor played John Triton – frontman of the band, Triton – who travelled to an isolated Canadian farmhouse to record some new music par excellence not knowing that said location was littered with demons! The twist at the end of the flick, as Satan himself (a big friggin’ ant thing – who knew?!) appeared, was that John Triton was in fact the archangel known as the Intercessor. Forget your Keyser Söze reveal – this is the real shit! Anyway, the Intercessor showed El Diablo the four corners of the farmhouse and a Heavy Metal Horror Icon was born. Seriously, you need the Synapse Films special edition DVD release of ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’ in your collection.

 

So, the Heavy Metal Horror Movie subgenre is woefully short of quality entrants. ‘Trick or Treat’, ‘Black Roses’, ‘Hard Rock Zombies’, ‘Rocktober Blood’, the Easy Action-featuring ‘Blood Tracks’, the Traci Lords-starring ‘Shock ‘em Dead’ are the essentials alongside ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’; wannabe flicks like ‘Death Metal Zombies’ and ‘After Party Massacre’ honoured to join them, nevergonnabe movies like ‘Queen of the Damned’ and ‘Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal’ desperate to be considered in the same cult movie circles as Sammi Curr, John Triton, and Billy “Eye” Harper. BUT, and it’s a big ol’ but, did you know that one of those notorious metal movies actually had a sequel that limped out into the ether almost two decades after the original movie’s release? Of course you didn’t because it was filmed straight to digital video, released straight to home video, and did as much business as The Wild Family’s album. That movie is, drum roll please, 2005’s ‘Intercessor: Another Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’.

 

Yes, RPM-people, a sequel to one of the most infamous rock-related movies of all time was released over a decade ago and hardly any of us knew about it. The shame!

 

In the so-bad-it’s-good stakes, ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’ is right up there with the classics. After importing ‘Intercessor: Another Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’ from the States, paying way too much for it, and forcing myself to sit through it twice, I’m not even sure that it reaches the heights of just bad. It is, in fact, diabolical. But, as I learned from cribbing all John Waters’ writings, there is such a thing as good bad taste… and I needed to give my good bad tastebuds a treat that they wouldn’t forget in a hurry…

‘Intercessor: Another Rock ’n’ Roll Nightmare’ is a no-budget flick that makes Thor’s appearance on No. 73 look like Emmy Award-winning television. The late John Fasano got a producing credit, and as for acting credits – well, I’m sure every single one contravenes the Trade Descriptions Act. The plot revolves around a feud between Zompira, King of the Undead, and Mephisto, a dark sorcerer from the depths of Hell. A spell has allowed these miscreants to come to Earth in order to corrupt and devour the souls of the innocent. Caught up in all of this is Harry, a long-haired loner with a crutch, arm brace, and a penchant for drawing muscle-bound comic-book heroes. He has a crush on his neighbour, Julie, and keeps in contact with her via walkie-talkie. This was 2005, remember! He lives with his sewing-obsessed aunt and, POW, there’s a zombie attack where she gets turned, Julie gets abducted, and the world is in danger. I know this because I gave myself a migraine struggling to hear what the fuck was going on due to the movie’s terrible sound. Harry dresses up like a member of Raven – shoulder pads, gridiron helmet with ‘Tritons’ logo (tenuous link to previous flick) – and starts offing the undead with his crutch. I’ve actually made this all sound quite good. DON’T trust me on this one!

 

Meanwhile, a muscle-bound loner in a Man from Del Monte hat duffs up a rude customer in a coffee shop – “I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee…” – and you’ll never guess who it is. It’s John Triton, the Intercessor; cursed to wander the Earth as a mortal! Cursed, that is, until Harry is offed and his NFL helmet morphs into the Intercessor’s Crimson Glory-esque face mask. Now, bedecked with cape and mask, and with a weapon that looks like a dog-dick-dildo, the Intercessor is ready to take on all nefarious ne’er-do-wells! He keeps the dogs away by fighting a vicious canine (complete with ludicrous dubbed-on human doing dog impression sound) – “Stop hound!” – then gets attacked by a tree branch. He takes on some am-dram witches – “I never wanted to hit a woman but… thou is not!” – and gets involved in some chopsocky fighting that makes vintage British Saturday afternoon wrestling look like the Bolshoi Ballet.

The special effects look like they came from a shitty iPhone app – not unlike a video I made years ago that showed Adam Bomb getting blown up by laser missiles as he shredded onstage at the Doll’s House in Abertillery – and, even though I have a penchant for bad movies, I struggled to get through this one mentally unscathed. I suggest that the only way to truly enjoy this one is via a house party where Absinthe imbibing and marker-sniffing is rife. You’re all invited – Adam Bomb is playing. Bring a pretend missile.

 

I’ll be back next month, souring the festive season with another nostalgia-driven column. Feel free to join me – I’m sure that I’ll luck out soon and one of these articles will actually be interesting! Remember, look them in the eyes, knock them down to size, no-one must oppose the Metal Avenger…

 

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ROCK’N’GROWL RECORDS, a division of ROCK’N’GROWL PROMOTION have announced, the addition of three more bands: RYAN ROXIE (Alice CooperPlanet Axe), BLACKMAYNE and PHONOMIK for the digital Rock/Metal Sampler ‘RAWKAHOLIC Volume 1‘, which will be released by end of June 2019.

The first three bands which were announced are SYTERIA (feat. Jackie Chambers of Girlschool in their ranks), AIRFORCE and DESOLATION ANGELS.

 

There are still last slots available and bands can send their songs and full info to promo@rockngrowl.com

#6 RYAN ROXIE (Alice CooperPlanet Axe) is a US vocalist/guitarist & songwriter, and best known as ALICE COOPER’S long-time lead guitarist and collaborator. Facebook

#5 BLACKMAYNE, is a NWOBHM band from the UK and was formed in the mid-80s. “Not as heavy as Tank nor as poppy as Terraplane, this solid five-piece was surely one of the overlooked gems of the movement, sparkling with sadly unfulfilled promise.” Garry Bushell Facebook

#4 PHONOMIK, is an upcoming rock/metal band from Denmark, which can be described as a mix between Metallica and Disturbed. The song for Rawkaholic Volume 1 was mixed and mastered by Jacob HansenFacebook

And 9 more bands still to come!

Rock’N’Growl Records is a record label founded in 2009 by Axel Wiesenauer based in Germany. They focus on the rock and metal genre. The label working also with their division Rock’N’Growl Promotion heavily in the fields of publicity, press, promotion and consulting. Stay Rock’N’Growl !

www.rockngrowl.com

HARD ROCK HELL announce HRH ROAD TRIP XI – IBIZA 2020, which is being held on 6th to 13th May 2020. The line up includes: SKINDREDTED POLEY (Danger Danger), REEFJOE LYNN TURNERJOHN COGHLAN’S QUOLA GUNSJIZZY PEARL’SLOVE/HATETEN YEARS AFTERWAYWARD SONSSEETHING AKIRAMASSIVEMIDNITE CITY, and more to be announed!

 

Bands – Bikes – Beers – Boats – Brotherhood: The 5 cornerstones of HRH Road Trips– the ultimate rock’n’roll holiday.

Held annually on the world-famous holiday island of Ibiza, the HRH RoadTrip has grown from its humble beginnings 10 years ago to become one of rock and metals most celebrated events.

The event attracts world famous rock and metal artists – such as HawkwindWhitesnake’s Bernie MarsdenMotorhead’s Phil CampbellReefRainbow’s Joe Lynn TurnerSkindredGirlschoolLA Guns and The Quireboys – to play and soak up the sun and unique atmosphere of the Spanish leg of Hard Rock Hell.

Over 4000 rock fans attended this year’s event making it the biggest yet – and next year is shaping up to be even bigger and better.

 

Doesn’t matter if it’s lazing by the pool with banging tunes in the background, making shapes on the most famous dancefloors in the world such as Eden or taking in the spectacular sunsets on the beach … there’s something for everyone.

HRH Magazine’s Adam Kennedy had this to say about this year’s event “With the unpredictable nature of British summertime weather, a five-day hard rock festival located on the Balearic Island of Ibiza doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. You can leave those wellies at home, put your tent away, and comfortably enjoy the diverse bill of entertainment on display without worrying about having to dredge through muddy fields or being washed away by the rain.

As the White Isle awakens from its annual winter hibernation, flocks of revellers will arrive at the party capital of the world as HRH takes over San Antonio’s hotels, bars, and legendary night spots. The event itself once again offers a comprehensive bill of both established and emerging talent whilst encompassing acts that represent many of HRH festival’s different brands. There will also be the chance to take part in Ibiza traditions such as the customary HRH bike ride, pool and boat parties, or take the opportunity to experience the island’s world-famous sunsets with an early evening boat trip.

When Axl Rose penned the lyrics to Paradise City, he could well have been thinking about a location not too dissimilar to San Antonio. At the heart of Ibiza’s Rock n Roll paradise is one of the island’s most beloved super clubs “Eden”. Every year HRH Road Trip will take-over the famed night club and its many different rooms for the duration of the event. Nestled away between San Antonio Bay and the world-famous nightlife of San Antonio town, the 5,000 capacity club is the perfect spot to host an event such as HRH RTX.

Described by one festival punter as being like ‘Download with a pool’ HRH RTX entails several music filled days and plenty of sun, sea and San Miguel plus of course a healthy mix of rock, blues, metal, stoner and prog that will keep the party going until the wee hours during four music-filled club nights.”

HRH Road Trip XI is being held on 6th to 13th May 2020.  For all the details and packages visit www.hrhroadtrip.com or call 044+ 207 193 1164.

Heres one for all you hopeless romantics out there.  the St Valentines Day Massacre featuring Motorhead and Girlschool Covering ‘Please Don’t Touch’ play this to your other half and tell them it’ll forever now be “your” song!

On this day in 1970, The Who appeared at Leeds University, England. The show was recorded for the bands forthcoming ‘Live At Leeds’ album.  Live at Leeds has been cited by several music critics as the best live rock recording of all time. The University of Leeds refectory has now been named a national landmark in the UK, commemorated with a blue plaque. 

It’s not all Roses and chocolates sadly. as in 1964, on this day, Rob “The Bass Thing” Jones from The Wonder Stuff was born. Sadly Rob died in New York on 31 July 1993, aged 29 due to heart problems caused by “drug-related causes” . Rob left the band after playing on ‘Hup’ and the band’s triumphant three-night stint at Aston Villa Leisure Centre.  Rob left for NYC at the tail end of ’89.  Rest In Peace Rob 29 is no age at all.  robs bass thing can be heard in all its glory on this classic off the ‘Hup’ album