When the word was out Amazon was stocking copies of this filthy tome it was a no-brainer I was going to blag myself a copy (pun intended). Forward from Blag himself and page after page of on the road salacious stories of punk rock deprivation and the most un PC-like behaviour known to man.
I mean it did come with a warning so you wouldn’t just happen across this book whilst browsing for something to read and if you did then I have zero sympathies because, if you don’t know of the Dwarves then serves your right, not being a believer and fully being on board with what they’re about is a crime anyway and Vadge pulls no punches and doesn’t even attempt to flower this fucker up and goes straight for the bull’s eye. At times it comes across as like swearing in front of your nan and her friends from the church but another way of interpreting that is Vadge truly doesn’t give a flying fuck and just socks it to you the reader leaving no stone unturned and no doubt what he’s on about.
I did find myself giggling like a teenager at some of this shit like when you first read Viz on the school bus and got away with dropping a quote from the profanasaurus in a job interview Vadge is a degenerate, a randy, sexed-up, drunken pain in the arse and I’m sure he’d take that as a compliment (he should do).
If there is a cliche in rock and roll about hitting the road and having sex with groupies and drinking way too much and taking daft amounts of drugs off a stranger then you better believe it The Dwarves wrote the book (literally and wore the T-Shirt.
It’s a fairly compact book and Vadge doesn’t flower up any of his stories nor does he use a dozen words when one is enough. this book is one hundred and forty-five pages of sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll, and anyone who has seen the band can testify that they certainly walk the walk always have and always will.
I won’t spoil the stories but it’s safe to say there are GG Allin, Rex Everything and HeWhoCannotBeNamed stories and tales of ladies (who were willing victims its fair to say). For all the depravity and Vadges bandmates were no angels either its fair to point out as well. Vadge was next level and how he’s lived to tell his tale is a mystery. He does point out that it’s only the first installment of his life and crimes and there is more to come but I’m not sure he has anywhere he could take this further but I stand to be corrected on that.
It’s not your typical autobiography there is no childhood hard-luck story about that kid who escaped and toured the world but more chapters that are recollections of random tales that might gross you out then make you giggle but remember where your reading this and what you’re laughing at and good luck explaining to a work colleague what it is your giggling at and just who the fuck Vadge Moore and the Dwarves are.
My advice is if you’re a fan just buy it before the book gets taken down and/or Vadge is slung down some bottomless pit never to be seen again. I would however love to see Vadge at some book signing in Waterstones or the Hay-on-Wye literary festival reading a passage or two out of this memoir – now that would be special whilst Netflix thing they’re being all edgy showing Tommy and Pam or the Dirt my God a drama based on the life and crimes of The Dwarves on the road would be explosive and make the Crue see like an episode of the Teletubbies.
Author: Dom Daley